A quick note on relationship coaching

As a life coach, I have had clients who spend a considerable amount of time talking about their husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner/question mark and trying to understand the decisions their significant other is making that could be hurting the relationship.

My role in this common scenario, is to help my clients understand how to manage their expectations and be a stronger communicator with themselves (which will, in turn, help them communicate better with their partner). When we work on the client’s relationship, our main focus is on them and how they are communicating and the multitude of communication tricks they can use that will allow their partner to communicate in return and help them understand the decisions they are making.

Essentially, I give my clients the tools so that they can figure it out on their own. Without having their partner present in their session, I couldn’t (nor should I) try to explain their partner’s actions. Through relationship coaching, though, we can figure out what needs to be added to get them there. It’s the same method I use in non-relationship coaching, when helping my clients figure out how to deal with any external force affecting their lives which seems beyond their control. The secret here is that the answer is inside your heart 🙂 and I can help you find it.

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What is the magical formula for losing weight?

There actually is a magical formula for losing weight, but it’s by far not an easy one to solve. The challenge in the formula is making sure each variable is attempted with equal force. Here it is, the magical formula:

x(a+b)=c

Now, if we remember basic algebra, we know that x has to influence a and b to equal c. What do these variables stand for? Here you go:

C = sexy body

Or any type of body healthier than the one you have now lol it doesn’t have to be a sexy one (although who doesn’t want to be sexy?)

So how do we solve for C?

A = Diet

Remember, when I work with my life coaching clients who want to lose weight, I don’t ever make them “go on a diet”. The word diet simply means “the way one eats”. So, I ask my clients to change their diet or be aware of their diet and how it influences the daily operation of their physical body. Essentially, “we are what we eat” is one of the truest cliche phrases out there. If you’re eating high volumes of sugar, sodium, unhealthy fats, or processed flour, your essence is not going to feel very positive.

B = Fitness

Fitness doesn’t have to be this hardcore regiment at the gym but you must get your body moving. Walking, jogging, swimming, weight training, anything that gets the body moving and burning calories will help you lose weight.

Again, these two variables must be combined in order to maintain weight loss. When we start the life coaching process for losing weight, I never start with the workout routine. My first question is, what are you eating? My process will introduce healthy macros into your system to get your body in a healthier state before it starts working out. If you simply went to the gym after years of unhealthy eating, your work out is going to be a less than positive experience (it’s no wonder so many people quit early in their workout process!)

And now for x, the most important variable…without it, it’s impossible to combine A and B.

x = mind and heart

The brain is the most important muscle in the body. It is THE muscle you must work out before working out any other muscle in your body. If your mind’s not into it, your body will not follow. And your heart, essentially that emotional part of your brain that commits to why you are losing weight and maintains the passion and intensity in your work outs.

So, the magical formula for losing weight is better read as, diet plus fitness, multiplied by the mind and the heart equals sexy body 🙂

How do we work out the brain to get there? That’s where deep life coaching comes in to play. Let’s chat and see if we can do this for you!

What is the difference between a psychiatrist, a therapist, and a Life Coach?

This is asked a lot and the differences are huge! But to simplify it, here is what each profession works on:

The Psychiatrist: While a psychiatrist does have a deep understanding of the mechanics of the mind, their focus is more on the physiological chemistry of your body and how it affects your mental well-being.

The Therapist: Their focus is completely on the mind and how the past and present behavior has affected its mental state.

The Life Coach (that’s me!): A life coach’s focus is on the heart and empowering that heart to move the entire body forward into the future through self-love.

Could a client benefit from having all three in their life? If needed, absolutely. But my goal is to help you strengthen your heart so that we can work from the bottom up and (hopefully) heighten your mind to its full emotional clarity!

A Cheat Sheet for the Life Coaching Process 

The Life Coaching process, overall, can be extremely deep, but fulfilling and I wanted to share a quick snapshot of what one can expect on the initial coaching session. Rarely will my clients experience a lot of me telling them what they SHOULD or OUGHT to do. My sessions are, overall, guided by the client. Much like a therapy session, I use the Socratic approach to help my clients dig deep inside themselves by asking strong questions. Here are a select handful of questions I will ask my clients on the initial session so that we can discover in what direction we should go, moving forward, on other sessions.

1. Why do you feel that you need a life coach?
Every Life Coach will (or should) ask this question. It’s an obvious question that helps us uncover the initial motivation of seeking the guidance of a life coach. 

2. How’s that going for you?
This is a gentle question that allows a soft prod into how deep is the specific issue brought up in Question #1. Often, we’re able to uncover completely separate issues my client wasn’t consciously thinking about. We’re able to attack those head on (typically a limiting belief my client didn’t even know they had!)

3. How long has this been going on?
An obvious question that lets me know how far these issues have gone on while showing my client, front-and-center, how long they’ve been living this way.    

4. What have you tried to do about it? 
Always important to uncover if there are any tools that are already working or, conversely, the specific tools that are failing.

5. How’d that work out?  
A continuation of Question #4 – showing both of us what has/hasn’t worked and the consequences or opportunity those efforts created.

6. How much do you suppose that’s cost you?  
This doesn’t necessarily have to be any sort of dollar amount. This is a deep question really designed to uncover consequences, limitations, and anything else holding my client back from bringing positive change into their lives.

7. How much longer do you think this is going to go on?  
Another deep question allowing my client to visualize a future of immediate change.

8. What happens if it doesn’t change?  
This question is a partner of Question #7, letting my client visualize a future where nothing changes. This question is designed as a wake-up call to show the client how important it is to stop living the way they have. 

9. How does that make you feel?
This is the deepest question of all. The entire time we’ve been thinking logically about certain circumstances revealed in the session. Some issues the client may not have realized they were dealing with. Turning away from logic and looking inward to the heart and soul, we’re able to come to an agreement that something has to change!

10. What should we do?  
And this is where the fun begins! Armed with the knowledge of what needs to change, we’re able to team up and figure out, together, what action plan needs to take place to get the momentum rolling for positive permanent growth! 

It is important to note, again, that not everyone gets asked every single question, or in this order. My clients show me, through conversation, what they need and we develop an action plan together.

Are you ready for your initial life coaching session? Are you ready to answer these tough questions? Let’s get to work: CONNECT

 

Quick Q & A with Life Coach Tommy

What is the number one take away you hope your clients have after one of your Life Coaching sessions?

Man, there are a multitude of take aways and it really depends on where my client is at in the process and really their life. But if I had to choose just one, I’d say that I hope that they feel empowered by the idea that they, personally, have the tools and power to create positive permanent momentum in their lives. I love the a-ha! moment I see in my client’s eyes when they connect with that idea and can feel a new spark of energy that positive change IS possible.

Why did you choose Life Coaching?

I’ve encountered too many people that have convinced themselves that they aren’t deserving of a positive life. Many of these people have accepted that life is supposed to be a negative experience. I’ve always wanted to show people that all of these limiting beliefs simply aren’t true. As trite and cliche as this may sound, I really do want to help people realize their FULL potential by helping them empower their mind and heart and create positive momentum for their life. Because the reality is that life CAN be a struggle, but it doesn’t have to be an overall negative experience.

If someone chose not to use Life Coaching, what is one piece of advice you would give them?

Whatever you do in this life, create goals for yourself and WRITE THEM DOWN. Keep yourself accountable. Give your life purpose by creating positive goals and writing those goals down, get them out of your head and on to a piece of paper. Then commit to those goals and do whatever it takes to achieve them. And, no matter what, stay the course!

Losing Weight Part 3

It’s such a common goal, it gets three separate blogs. Health and nutrition will actually get a lot of attention as, without it, achieving other goals becomes more challenging than they could be if health were more under control.

Losing Weight is actually extremely simple, as it’s basic foundation is driven through static scientific physiology. Essentially, if you do A, you will get B. There is no mystery or magic behind it. The weight loss challenge exists due to the fact that we live in a culture that pushes us to consume all kinds of delicious food. Overcoming the psychological temptation is the key to immersing yourself in the science that will create weight loss.

Here are the three simple keys to losing weight and feeling great:

1. Calorie count

Everyone has a minimum calorie count that will trigger weight loss. You’ll have to figure out your own based on age and height.

2. Micronutrients

Eating 1000 calories of pizza vs eating 1000 calories of carrots will administer the same weight loss results. However, you won’t feel great in either situation…

3. Fitness

This doesn’t mean, essentially, sweating it out at the gym every single day. Fitness could be just getting your heart to pump blood through your veins for 20 minutes at a faster pace than it normally would.

And that’s it. Calorie count, micronutrients, and fitness. So simple, yet so hard to commit to.

So how do we commit to it? Well, that requires intensive goal setting and establishing a powerful WHY, which a life coach can help with.

Communication IS key

The very first thing I look into when starting a relationship with a life coaching client is their communication skills. I assess where they are in their life when it comes to two extremely important avenues of communication: the way they communicate with the people around them, and, most importantly, the way they communicate with themselves.

The second part is where we dig deep, for if we aren’t starting off with positive communication with self, we aren’t going to get anywhere.

It is so important to develop a positive relationship with self. If you aren’t developing a positive relationship with yourself, it is virtually impossible to have a positive relationship with anyone else in your life.

Once you’ve learned to love yourself, you can genuinely express and communicate positively with others and you’ll be surprised by how much easier it will be to fulfill your goals.

Today, use this Monday to motivate yourself into positive self-love. If you’ve damaged the relationship with self, take time, be patient, but start today by looking at yourself in the mirror and appreciating the positive strengths you do have.