Asking yourself the important questions to help lead you to Self-Care and Self-Love

How are you doing today? Really. Think about it. How are you?

This question is one of the most asked questions in the United States mainly as a life script “transaction”, ‘How are you today?’ ‘Oh, fine.’ It’s the salutation that most of us go through each day. It’s also the most common question that will illicit a disingenuous or dishonest response. Because…unfortunately…most of us…most of the time…are not ‘fine’.

So…again, how are you, really? Be honest with yourself.

This is the beginning of self love – knowing and understanding that you are not okay.

The next step is knowing that you can change it. Understanding that self love is possible through self-care.

When’s the last time you’ve done something truly for yourself?

What are some things you can do to make some time for yourself?

Here’s a really deep question and I’ll end it here, do you truly love yourself?

If your answer is ‘no’, or ‘I don’t know’…is loving yourself important to you? What can you do to help you love yourself?

Life Coach Tommy is a Certified Life Coach based out of Sherman Oaks, CA and serves Los Angeles and the surrounding areas. You can get back to the home page by clicking HERE

My specialties as a Life Coach and how they can help

Aside from helping my clients achieve overall well-being through self-empowerment and self love, there are three specialties I’m able to help my clients with through life coaching:

1) Relationship Coaching

Intimate, work, social, and family relationships have all been focused on through my life coaching process. The focus is mainly on making sure our communication channels are open and honest. Not only with others, but also, and most importantly, with ourselves.

2) Career Coaching

When it comes to my client’s career path, I am able to help them focus on establishing realistic and attainable goals through goal-setting exercises and helping my clients realize their full potential.

3) Fitness and Nutrition Coaching

So many of my clients simply want to lose weight and lead a healthier lifestyle. But so many are without the resource or knowledge on how to truly create a plan they can stick with and commit to, not only for the summer or an upcoming event, but for the rest of their life!

I help my clients establish solid goals they can remain passionate about while seeing and feeling results within weeks!

Contact me today and let me know which Life Coach you need!

Life Coach Tommy is a Certified Life Coach based out of Sherman Oaks, CA and serves Los Angeles and the surrounding areas. You can get back to the home page by clicking HERE

A quick note on relationship coaching and how to make yourself first

As a life coach, I have had clients who spend a considerable amount of time talking about their husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner/question mark and trying to understand the decisions their significant other is making that could be hurting the relationship.

My role in this common scenario, is to help my clients understand how to manage their expectations and be a stronger communicator with themselves (which will, in turn, help them communicate better with their partner). When we work on the client’s relationship, our main focus is on them and how they are communicating and the multitude of communication tricks they can use that will allow their partner to communicate in return and help them understand the decisions they are making.

Essentially, I give my clients the tools so that they can figure it out on their own. Without having their partner present in their session, I couldn’t (nor should I) try to explain their partner’s actions. Through relationship coaching, though, we can figure out what needs to be added to get them there. It’s the same method I use in non-relationship coaching, when helping my clients figure out how to deal with any external force affecting their lives which seems beyond their control. The secret here is that the answer is inside your heart 🙂 and I can help you find it.

Life Coach Tommy is a Certified Life Coach based out of Sherman Oaks, CA and serves Los Angeles and the surrounding areas. You can get back to the home page by clicking HERE

What is the difference between a psychiatrist, a therapist, and a Life Coach and how do they help their clients achieve specific goals?

One of the most common questions I receive is, what is a life coach and how is it different from psychiatry and/or psychotherapy. So, to simplify it, here is what each profession works on:

The Psychiatrist: While a psychiatrist does have a deep understanding of the mechanics of the mind, their focus is more on the physiological chemistry of your body and how it affects your mental well-being. Plus, you need to have a medical background in order to have clients.

The Therapist: Their focus is completely on the mind and how the past and present behavior has affected its mental state. Really, how to cope with that mental state or how to cope with what has happened in the past and how it affects daily behavior.

The Life Coach (that’s me!): A life coach’s focus is on the heart and empowering that heart to move the entire body forward into the future through self-care, self-love, above all, learning to put the heart first, or putting yourSELF first.

Could a client benefit from having all three in their life? If needed, absolutely. But my goal is to help you strengthen your heart so that we can work from the bottom up and (hopefully) heighten your mind to its full emotional clarity! Through life coaching sessions, we do the work together to make this happen.

And just a quick joke about therapy:

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But the light bulb has to want to change. 🙂

Life Coach Tommy is a Certified Life Coach based out of Sherman Oaks, CA and serves Los Angeles and the surrounding areas. You can get back to the home page by clicking HERE

A Cheat Sheet for the Life Coaching Process – a series of questions that will be asked in our sessions

The Life Coaching process, overall, can be extremely deep, and fulfilling for my clients and I wanted to share a quick snapshot of what one can expect on the initial coaching session. Rarely will my clients experience a lot of me telling them what they SHOULD or OUGHT to do. That’s not my place in our coaching relationship. So there is no personal ulterior motive or personal agenda in any session. My sessions are, overall, guided by the client. Much like a therapy session, I use the Socratic approach to help my clients dig deep inside themselves by asking strong practical questions. Unlike psychotherapy, my goal is to motivate you to take action and identify things in your life that have or haven’t worked to help better plan your life goals and achieve success. Here are a select handful of questions I ask my clients on the initial session so that we can discover in what direction we should go, moving forward, on other sessions.

1. Why do you feel that you need a life coach?
Every Life Coach will (or should) ask this question. It’s an obvious question that helps us uncover the initial motivation of seeking the guidance of a life coach. It also helps identify where our potential clients are at in their understanding of what life coaching is so we can discern whether or not, one, if life coaching is the proper fit to help them achieve what they want, and, two, if we are the right coach for their needs.

2. How’s that going for you?
This is a gentle question, a soft prod into how deep is the specific issue brought up in Question #1. We’re typically able to uncover completely separate issues my client wasn’t consciously thinking about that could have been limiting them. We’re able to attack those head on (these are called limiting beliefs, an important term my clients learn through coaching).

3. How long has this been going on?
This lets me know how far these issues have been a part of their life while showing my client, front-and-center, how long they’ve been living this way. It helps us identify patterned behavior that will need to be overcome through our coaching relationship.     

4. What have you tried to do about it? 
Always important to uncover if there are any tools that are already working or, conversely, the specific tools that are failing.

5. How’d that work out?  
A continuation of Question #4 – this shows both of us what has/hasn’t worked and the consequences or opportunity those efforts created.

6. What happens if it doesn’t change?  
This question is a partner of Question #7, letting my client visualize a future where nothing changes. This question is designed as a wake-up call to show the client how important it is to stop living the way they have. 

7. How does that make you feel?
This is the deepest question of all. The entire time we’ve been thinking logically about certain circumstances revealed in the session. Some issues the client may not have realized they were dealing with. Turning away from logic and looking inward to the heart and soul, we’re able to come to an agreement that something has to change!

8. What should we do?  
And this is where the fun begins! Armed with the knowledge of what needs to change, we’re able to team up and figure out, together, what action plan needs to take place to get the momentum rolling for positive permanent growth! 

It is important to note, again, that not everyone gets asked every single question, or in this order. My clients show me, through conversation, what they need and we develop an action plan together.

Are you ready for your initial life coaching session? Are you ready to answer these tough questions? Let’s get to work: CONNECT

Life Coach Tommy is a Certified Life Coach based out of Sherman Oaks, CA and serves Los Angeles and the surrounding areas. You can get back to the home page by clicking HERE

Want vs Will – the creation of desire matched against a motivational force

When I first speak with my life coaching clients, our focus is aligned toward what they want out of life, and what they think they need to change in order to make their lives more fulfilling. Essentially, what is their ONE goal. The motivating factor that helped encourage them to hire a life coach. This is followed by action steps, milestones, and accountability to make sure their goals are realistic, achievable, and any obstacles are identified with a sub action plan created to overcome those obstacles. Then we establish a way forward.

But each time my clients say they ‘WANT’ something or they ‘WANT’ to be something, I ask if they’re committed enough to that idea to shift their focus and say that they WILL have it or they WILL be it.

Whenever you say ‘I WANT to be a millionaire.’ All the Universe does for you in response is take note and creates it for you. The WANT is created and nothing else. No mechanical force is directly working for you in order to help you actually turn that goal into a tangible reality.

But when you say you WILL be a millionaire, the universe takes note of that as well. Suddenly, your inner psychology takes control and starts constructing paths on how to get there. Gears start spinning and motivational forces start growing.

Go ahead, give it a try, anything you WANT to achieve, say it out loud, but instead of saying WANT, have the audacity to say that it WILL happen in your life and see what happens internally.

Once my clients are committed to what they WILL become or have, we are then able to focus on the next step and lay out a path of HOW.

Don’t be a ‘wannabe’. Commit, make a decision, and say what you WILL become, what you WILL have, and what you WILL do and the Universe will take note and actually help you out.

Life Coach Tommy is a Certified Life Coach based out of Sherman Oaks, CA and serves Los Angeles and the surrounding areas. You can get back to the home page by clicking HERE 

Nature and the force of the Universe

“Nothing happens to any man that he is not formed by nature to bear.” -Marcus Aurelius

We have all heard the phrase ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ and it could be true…if you pay attention.

The funny and interesting thing about our existence in this universe is that everything that happens to us, if we can control our perception and the response thereof, can be used to overcome the next challenge or struggle that will inevitably enter our path. Using self-awareness, self-care, self-love, essentially, an uber sense of self focus, one can hone in and focus their energy into appreciating everything that happens to them as a lesson for the next event.

But it is so important to pay attention. Often, my clients perceive themselves as victims to some benevolent force that doesn’t want them to enjoy a fulfilling life. This is solely a limiting belief and simply isn’t true. YOU are your own benevolent force. YOU have control over your own perceptions and your own responses toward the events that happen.

Use these events to learn so that nature can be seen as an educational tool for your life and you can continuously move through each new lesson the Universe will bring to your life. In life coaching, I introduce this as the idea of ‘failing forward’.

Through self-awareness and paying attention to what’s going on, you CAN bear what happens to you in order to learn how to become a powerful force of nature in your own Universe!

Life Coach Tommy is a Certified Life Coach based out of Sherman Oaks, CA and serves Los Angeles and the surrounding areas. You can get back to the home page by clicking HERE

Losing Weight Part 2 – the false motivators and how they keep you from keeping the weight off

Losing Weight, as mentioned previously, is one of the most common reasons someone would hire a life coach. It’s one of the many reasons people decide to hire me. The reason, however, why my clients want to lose weight, usually digs deeper into more profound limiting beliefs I enjoy uncovering.

Sometimes, I’m able to help them uncover false motivators. Some of these false motivators surround trying to impress someone. This is a huge false motivator and can be a limiting belief that will prevent you from keeping the weight off. This is because, usually, there are only three results:

A) The subject is impressed, but their response is underwhelming (or just not what my client expected or wanted).

B) The subject is impressed, the receiver receives all that they were hoping for, but, like an addict’s high, the feeling dissipates over time.

C) The subject is unimpressed.

All three of these events lead my clients back to their normal eating habits…and away from their goals.

The take away here is to find a reason YOU want to impress YOURself. I spend a considerable amount of time helping my clients learn self-love and self-care behavior. Most of my clients learn very quickly that my approach is guided toward helping them live daily through these two extremely important values. They learn, through coaching, that once self-care is achieved and they begin loving themselves, their goals are much more forward focused, self-focused, and sustainable.

Helping my clients learn how to do things for themselves has helped show them the power they have in achieving their goals.

Life Coach Tommy is a Certified Life Coach based out of Sherman Oaks, CA and serves Los Angeles and the surrounding areas. You can get back to the home page by clicking HERE

Losing Weight and KEEPING it off – it’s all about lifestyle and daily choices

‘How do I lose weight?’ This is the most common question I receive as a Life Coach and it’s also one the highest things people search for online (especially at the top of the year right after January 1st….) It’s a popular question for many obvious reasons, but the most valuable reason is that it is so by far one of the most difficult goals to stick to while seemingly should be so easy…

The issue with this question though, and the main reason why many people start a weight loss program and quit after two weeks* is that they’re asking the wrong question. The stronger question my clients have felt success with is, ‘How do I change my lifestyle so that I look and feel great 100% of the time?!’

Ask yourself that question and write down all of the things that come to your mind. What are all of the behaviors and practices that continuously motivate you to derail your fitness efforts? Then ask yourself, ‘Why do I need to lose weight?’

With Life Coaching, we dig deep on this question and identify limiting beliefs that force you to take part in the most common attribute to weight gain – stress eating and social eating. Tackling these issues has helped my clients begin a foundation that leads to PERMANENT, SUSTAINABLE weight loss.

When my clients come to me with this goal, I explain the science, and how the science behind weight loss is extremely easy to learn and apply to their practical every day lives. We then dig deeper and uncover what has prevented them from applying that science to their daily lives and are able to uncover deep emotional barriers and limiting beliefs toward their connection with food and what they’ve been using food for. That’s where the real work begins!

I’m able to help my clients realize that they do have a choice in what they eat and that choice must be an active choice every single day in conjunction with exercise.

Once the wheels and gears are moving, we then create achievable action items to help keep them on course with this new diet and fitness plan. Milestones are noted, and I’m there with my client the entire way commending them on their progress and reminding them of there ‘Why’ anytime I sense they’re getting off track.

Here’s a secret tip, the SCIENCE of losing weight is super super duper easy…if you eat less calories than you burn, the science is proven, you WILL lose weight. But we have to make sure we’re tracking it and monitoring our daily habits to make sure we make the science work in our favor!

*each year at the gym, right after January 1st, the attendance I’ve seen doubles. Every year, though, I’ve seen that this increase in fitness attendance at the gym reverts back to what it was toward the end of the year right. This reversion starts happening right around January 15th….

Life Coach Tommy is a Certified Life Coach based out of Sherman Oaks, CA and serves Los Angeles and the surrounding areas. You can get back to the home page by clicking HERE